Ever wondered why you wife has no sex drive?
You might think that your wife has lost her attraction for you. Or, maybe you worry that she has started to love someone else. You realise that women are less sexually active than men and that women lose some drive as time passes but you now notice that she has no physical attraction to you at all.
No study will ever reflect the truth of what this means to a man. If each divorced man could explain what caused the beginning of the breakdown of their relationship, it is likely at the point when his wife lost her sex drive. He won’t say it like this. He would say that the spark was gone, that the physical became more important for him than for her, that he suspected she was having an affair and so took revenge.
It might be a good time, before looking to break your vows, to understand why a woman might lose her sex drive. Then, you will be surprised to know, there is a simple solution to what is essentially a medical condition and, in fact, a natural impact of ageing.
A myth, that women can have sex even when she doesn’t want to, also needs to be dispelled. It is true that women do not need to attain an erection to have sex. They are a portal into which an erect penis goes. However, this is not to say that the vagina is always a hospitable environment for the penis. Men need to help women prepare for sex. Women need to feel sexual desire to help their sexual organs engorge, like men’s, and to secrete natural lubricant. Even if you use lubricant from the drug store, a woman will not gain pleasure from sex unless the top of the vagina is enflamed and ready. Without this desire, a woman will feel sex as an uncomfortable, sometimes painful, experience.
To feel sex drive, women need testosterone. Although the prominent hormone in a woman is estrogen, there is a proportion of testosterone in women too. Equally, men have estrogen, though in much smaller amounts. Estrogen is a natural enemy of testosterone. If you have too much estrogen, then this can suppress the urge to have sex. This means that men’s sexual desire will always be much higher than women’s.
Then, as the menopause arrives, a woman’s vagina becomes drier. Also, the ovary which secretes the egg – also secretes testosterone. The ovary stops producing both as the woman moves through the menopause. This makes sense, as without fertility nature will presume that the need for sexual contact has disappeared. Therefore, there naturally comes a point when men may need to accept that women might show physical love in different ways – through closeness, physical intimacy, but not sex.
The root to finding a compromise between a man’s desire and a woman’s is to talk about sex and your relationship. You cannot presume that your wife is happy to succumb to age, she too might be concerned by her lack of desire. You cannot immediately decide that the heat has gone from your relationship – there may be no need to destroy something that is as strong as it once was – but time has changed you both.
Once you talk and realise that it is merely time intervening, you can seek out a solution that will help stimulate your wife’s sex drive. It is still taboo for men to take stimulants to help with sexual desire. So, the idea that you can buy supplements for a woman, to help her have sex is difficult to talk about. But, it shouldn’t really. It doesn’t say anything about a man or a woman other than they enjoy physical intimacy with each other – so ignore the stigma, ignore the taboo – life is short and do what makes you happy.
The British Menopause Society cite the NHS, who believe that testosterone should be offered to women to help with their sex drive. They point out that “15% of menopausal women” loss their sex drive. Therefore, there should be low doses of the same testosterone products that are given to men. This is not just important for sex drive; it helps improve a women’s energy and improves mood too. Testosterone helps to naturally boost dopamine and burns cortisol, so can halt the depressive effects of the menopause too.
The supplement that is well known for helping men with a loss of libido and erectile dysfunction, also helps women. Tongkat Ali is a herb that grows in Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam and Indonesia – which has been used for centuries by ancient herbalists for the treatment of loss of sexual desire – both in men and women. The root of the herb is a potent aphrodisiac – to the point where it has gained the name Asian Viagra.
The herb boosts production of testosterone in the brain and releases it from human growth hormone for greater use for the body. This means that it naturally increases sexual desire. Studies have focused on animal studies and on men, however a study of rats showed that older, inactive animals were made rampant by the supplement – with increased mounting behaviour and other sexual activity.
The supplement is not like Viagra, in the sense that it won’t work immediately to increase desire. The effects are gradual but are also likely to be sustained. Therefore, expect results to begin to show within a few weeks – with an incremental increase in sexual desire and drive. The supplement is well tolerated and can be taken over a long period, helping you keep the effects going.
So, there is hope. Men and women are different in their desires and the way they show affection for each other. But, relationships are about compromises and communication. As a man, if your wife has lost her sexual desire, you should be able to say that it is important to find a solution so the relationship can continue to be strong. With serious conversation, it is possible to use supplementation to improve your sexual activity but also, with care for your wife, help her to feel younger, more feminine and happier – because a testosterone supplement brings happiness in more than one way!
